Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Things I have Learned From Being a Real Life Grown-up

The past year has been the most insane of my life. This year I got married, I got divorced, I dealt with epilepsy, I moved out on my own, signed my first lease and my second, started stand-up comedy and realized it was what I have always wanted to do, made some best friends, lost some best friends, met the most amazing man in the world, fell in love, performed at the Improv multiple times, learned some lessons the hard way, went to Hawaii, had a few jobs, got sick, got better, and really changed as a person. I couldn't have asked for a better year though, because with all the bad came an overwhelming amount of good. I may have suffered but I would have never have found comedy or Connor if I hadn't. In fact, I would have never become the person that I am today without it and I really love whatever it is that I am becoming. I have this brilliant idea of what I want to be and it seems like I'm finally becoming that instead of just pretending. Sometimes I still get depressed and self-loathy but who doesn't? Sometimes grown-up life becomes a bit too overwhelming for my liking but that is just when you have to look at the ground and take each step at a time instead of looking ahead at all the scary stuff.

I will share with you some of the things I have learned this year because even though we rarely listen to other's advice and usually find out things the hard way, sometimes it's good to know whats coming :)

1. Bills are more daunting than you could ever think possible.

Moving out I realized that your apartment doesn't just come set up and ready to go. It's up to you to call all the companies and set up all your bills and utilities yourself. You need electricity, gas, internet, TV, phone, etc. You also have to pay these every month (I don't think you guys are dumb and don't know that, but it is a good reminder hahah) Something relieving to know though, is that you can pay a bill late and no one freaks out or ruins your credit. Most companies give you 2 months of lateness before they shut you down and the late fee isn't so bad. Not a GOOD idea to pay too late BUT it is a relief to know if you are a bit late, no one is coming to break your knee caps. You also have to call and notify the companies that you are moving out at certain date and then re-setup your utilities at the new location. Fun times, am I right?!

2. Animals REALLY Aren't Accessories

When I hear people talk about moving out they always want a cat or a dog. A lot of them assume you just buy your furry friend and they love you and happily ever after. It really upsets me because it ends in a lot of pets being given up. Before you move out and buy your animal pal, REAAAALLY think about it. I got my dog a few years ago and learned that yes, they are a great companion for when you miss your family. BUT. But they need constant love and attention. They need to be walked, fed, taken to the vet for shots, etc. I know, most of you are thinking "YEAH YEAH, I already KNOW that ALYSA." but you aren't REALLY thinking about it. I spent 60 bucks on groceries this week and 20 of it was for dog food. When you live on your own at such a young age, that's A LOT. That's gas to see your family one weekend, that's a trip to the movies, that's an electricity bill. Also, my dog got sick and the vet visit was 100 dollars. Not to mention getting her fixed was around 500. I love my dog to death but she IS an expense you need to be ready for. She isn't just something cute to add to your new adult life.

Sidenote: A lot of apartments wont even accept pets and if they do, you have to pay an additional pet deposit that can range from 200-400

3. Laundry Sucks.

Ahhhhhh how I hate the complimentary laundry facilities in apartment complexes. Coin operated, need a key to get in, and all your thieving neighbors have access to it. Maybe I just have bad experiences like my sheets being stolen or nasty notes from neighbors because I'm washing my dog's bed. Being a grown-up you have a few options for this whole laundry business. You can use your apartment's laundry room (if there is one). You can go to the laundromat (They scare me). You can do laundry at your parents house when you visit (YAY MOM AND DAD!). Or, you can hope you are lucky enough to find an apartment with a washer and dryer hook up and enough money to buy the machines. Anyway you roll it, it's a pain. Also, never really thought about it before but now that you are on your own, that laundry gets dirty FAST. One second you have plenty of underwear then, BOOM! You're wearing the same pair of granny panties for a day too long. GROSS.

4. Don't Live With Your Significant Other Until You Are Both Ready

I learned the hard way on this one. Living with a significant other seems like a really good idea because you save on rent, you get to always sleep together, blah blah blah. Living with a lover out of necessity is baaaaad juju. YOU WILL FIGHT AND HATE EACH OTHER. Only live with someone you are dating once you love them and you really want to take that step. Until then, live with friends and don't act like some know-it-all dick that thinks you are special and it will different. You aren't special, it will be the same forever.



This is my first of many Grown-up lessons posts, so don't be sad, more is still to come!!!! :D

Friday, December 7, 2012

Divorce

I haven't really talked to anybody about my divorce. I've done a really good job at keeping it all bricked up behind some clever jokes and being too drunk a few times. I haven't even really felt it myself. I just brushed it off and ignored it. It felt too surreal anyway, being a twenty year old signing divorce papers when I didn't even really accept that I got married in the first place. It was a silly little kid thing I did without really thinking about it. I didn't even make sure I truly loved the person I jumped into it with. I just wanted to be married. I just wanted kids. I know, I'm dumb and childish. No one needs to tell me. In fact, please don't talk to me about it at all. I have moved on and I don't want to people to lecture me or pity me.

The reason I am talking about this now is because today he came to get his furniture. We have already signed the papers, we have already divided DVD's and video games, we already got new relationships that we are both extremely happy with. It was just the emptiness of each room and the loss of things I depended on like a bed that made me break down. Not because I missed him. I failed at marriage. I had dreamt my whole life of finding the perfect person to be with forever and having a beautiful wedding. I had dreamt of this and instead of waiting and being logical, I FUCKING GOT MARRIED TO THE WRONG PERSON. I rushed into it like if I didn't, I'd wither and die alone. I was an idiot and now I'll always be the girl that got married at 20, the divorcee. The person I finally decide to marry will be my 2nd husband. I feel tainted. I feel disgusting and stupid.

I hate myself.

I am a dumb kid. I'm stressed all the time. My hair falls out. I still pick my nose when I'm alone. I suck on my thumb and I cry way more than anyone I know. I lose weight, I take pills, I drink vodka to control the few things I have control over. I am a mess. I am not equipped for adult hood but I have been thrown into it and now I live or I die, it's up to me.

I will be okay.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Friday Favorites #5

I'm getting divorced so this week my favorites will be MY FAVORITE DIVORCES!!! (Hooray...) Nobody take anything that I say in this post as facts. I have no idea what I'm talking about.

#3 ELVIS AND PRISCELLA

Awwwww hot hunk Elvis meets beautiful southern belle Priscella and they get marriedddd. HOW CUTE AND WONDERFUL. Happy forever, right?


NOOOO!!! Priscella couldn't take the circumstances of Elvis' career and all his traveling. WHAT A FUCKING CUNT. And then Elvis got fat and died on the toilet.


DIVORCEDED!!!!!

#2 KIM KARDASHIAN AND KRIS HUMPFUCKIDONTCARE

Stupid slut Kim falls in love. How sweet. He seems like a nice guy! They look soooo happy



WRONG THEY ARE NOT HAPPY!!! Only 72 days married?! EVEN I BEAT THAT! YOU FUCKING RETARDED PISS MONKEY FILTH, I HOPE YOU GET RAPED AND DIE! The marriage ended because Kim can't keep her legs closed for fucking 2 MONTHS and got it on with Kanye West!
DIVORCEDED!!!!

#1 O.J. SIMPSON AND NICOLE BROWN

They are an adorable couple! Met at a diner and fell in love! Had some kids, got a house, LA DI FUCKING DA



THEN BOOM! NICOLE'S DOING DRUGS! EVERYONE HATES EACHOTHER! THEY SET THE BABY ON FIRE! O.J. BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF THE DOG! THEY RAPED AN ASIAN FAMILY AND STOLE THEIR SON, THEN RAISED HIM ON CORN BREAD! THEN HE FUCKING MURDERS HER BECAUSE THIS ALL MAKES SO MUCH FUCKING SENSE!!!


DIVORCEDED