Showing posts with label alysa. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alysa. Show all posts
Monday, March 17, 2014
PHOTO DUMP: Zorak the Chameleon
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Starving Artist Cookbook #1
Being poor sucks. Being poor and hungry sucks even more. I am usually very poor, being an "artistic person" and so I have to find ways to eat that don't involve becoming a prostitute. I am going to share the things I make with you fine folks in hopes that I can save you from becoming a food prostitute too.
This week I made Chicken Tikki Marsala with Tadig. The recipe I made serves 4.
Ingredients:
Chicken Tikki Marsala
2 Chicken Breasts
1 Bottle of Tikki Marsala sauce from Fresh & Easy
2 Tablespoons of Canola Oil
Tadig
2 Cups of Persian Rice
4 Cups of water
2 Tablespoons of Canola Oil
You are going to want to start about and hour and a half before you want to eat. First, plug in your rice cooker (If you don't have one, go get one because they are genius) and add the canola oil first so it covers the bottom. This is to the rice will crust on the bottom, thus the Tadig. Then add the 2 cups of rice and 4 cups of water. Make sure you read your bag of rice and make sure it doesn't require washing. Set your cooker to cook and walk away. Most rice cookers take about a half hour to cook but when making Tadig you have to keep pressing the cook button for an hour and a half so the pan stays hot and crisps the rice on the bottom.
After about an hour of the rice cooker cooking, it's time to make the chicken. I buy my chicken from Sam's Club in packs of 9 breasts at $10.00. Cheapest I have found chicken. If you don't have a Sam's Club card or a nice, loving father that will take you there.... Fresh & Easy has pretty cheap chicken too.
You going to want to cut the chicken breasts up into small cubes. My chicken was really thick, so I cut it in half too.
Add your 2 Tablespoons of Canola Oil to a large saucepan and add the chicken. ONLY brown the chicken, make sure to get every side of every piece. Immediately after the chicken is browned, dump your bottle of curry in and turn the heat down so that it can simmer. I love this brand of curry because it's god damn 3 dollars a bottle. AND delicious.
The simmering should only take about 10-12 minutes.....
Then you're done!! Serve it up!! Delicious and SO EASY TO COOK!!! Also, cheap as shit.
This week I made Chicken Tikki Marsala with Tadig. The recipe I made serves 4.
Ingredients:
Chicken Tikki Marsala
2 Chicken Breasts
1 Bottle of Tikki Marsala sauce from Fresh & Easy
2 Tablespoons of Canola Oil
Tadig
2 Cups of Persian Rice
4 Cups of water
2 Tablespoons of Canola Oil
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| The brand of rice I use |
You going to want to cut the chicken breasts up into small cubes. My chicken was really thick, so I cut it in half too.
Add your 2 Tablespoons of Canola Oil to a large saucepan and add the chicken. ONLY brown the chicken, make sure to get every side of every piece. Immediately after the chicken is browned, dump your bottle of curry in and turn the heat down so that it can simmer. I love this brand of curry because it's god damn 3 dollars a bottle. AND delicious.
The simmering should only take about 10-12 minutes.....
Then you're done!! Serve it up!! Delicious and SO EASY TO COOK!!! Also, cheap as shit.
Feel free to ask questions in the comments if you are confused on anything!!
Have a great Thursday!
Friday, December 14, 2012
Uncle Timmy
Today a horrible thing happened. Quite a few children will not be going home to their parents tonight. They will not be celebrating Christmas this year. This hurts my heart very much and I don't know how to deal with it. All these children were killed mercilessly and today I can't stop thinking about my Uncle Timmy.
Before I was even born, before most of you were born, my Uncle Timmy died. This was back in the early 70's on Father's day. Timothy Patrick Kelly was 7 years old. He was playing at a friends house and choked to death on a bit of plastic. He was blue before my Grandfather could even get to him. He died for no reason. I never got to know my uncle. I never got to hug him or hear his voice. He was gone far before his time was truly up. He had red hair, like me. Every funeral I have been to has been for someone very old who had a long and happy life. Every funeral I do not cry for them because there is no reason to be sad when someone dies very old. I do cry for Timmy. I visit Timmy's grave every year with my family and we leave him a small Christmas tree every Christmas. We decorate it and dust off his grave. Every year at this time I always go a few graves down and leave something for Buddy as well. He was 5 when he died and no one ever visits him or leaves him anything. I discovered Buddy's grave when I was very young on our many trips to visit Timmy and I cry for Buddy too. I love my Uncle Timmy even though I never got the chance to know him. I wonder if he would have been funny and would have made stupid jokes to cheer me up. I wonder if he would have smelled like something in specific that would have been comforting. I am crying so hard right now it's hard to see.
I don't know why I told you any of this. I don't really have a point. I guess this is the after affects of death. What some girl will feel in 30 years, visiting what would have been her Uncle's grave and crying for never getting to know him. It was no national tragedy when Timmy died, people die every day.... tell your family you love them every chance you get because you never know when they wont be coming home and when they wont be there for Christmas.
Before I was even born, before most of you were born, my Uncle Timmy died. This was back in the early 70's on Father's day. Timothy Patrick Kelly was 7 years old. He was playing at a friends house and choked to death on a bit of plastic. He was blue before my Grandfather could even get to him. He died for no reason. I never got to know my uncle. I never got to hug him or hear his voice. He was gone far before his time was truly up. He had red hair, like me. Every funeral I have been to has been for someone very old who had a long and happy life. Every funeral I do not cry for them because there is no reason to be sad when someone dies very old. I do cry for Timmy. I visit Timmy's grave every year with my family and we leave him a small Christmas tree every Christmas. We decorate it and dust off his grave. Every year at this time I always go a few graves down and leave something for Buddy as well. He was 5 when he died and no one ever visits him or leaves him anything. I discovered Buddy's grave when I was very young on our many trips to visit Timmy and I cry for Buddy too. I love my Uncle Timmy even though I never got the chance to know him. I wonder if he would have been funny and would have made stupid jokes to cheer me up. I wonder if he would have smelled like something in specific that would have been comforting. I am crying so hard right now it's hard to see.
I don't know why I told you any of this. I don't really have a point. I guess this is the after affects of death. What some girl will feel in 30 years, visiting what would have been her Uncle's grave and crying for never getting to know him. It was no national tragedy when Timmy died, people die every day.... tell your family you love them every chance you get because you never know when they wont be coming home and when they wont be there for Christmas.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Things I have Learned From Being a Real Life Grown-up
The past year has been the most insane of my life. This year I got married, I got divorced, I dealt with epilepsy, I moved out on my own, signed my first lease and my second, started stand-up comedy and realized it was what I have always wanted to do, made some best friends, lost some best friends, met the most amazing man in the world, fell in love, performed at the Improv multiple times, learned some lessons the hard way, went to Hawaii, had a few jobs, got sick, got better, and really changed as a person. I couldn't have asked for a better year though, because with all the bad came an overwhelming amount of good. I may have suffered but I would have never have found comedy or Connor if I hadn't. In fact, I would have never become the person that I am today without it and I really love whatever it is that I am becoming. I have this brilliant idea of what I want to be and it seems like I'm finally becoming that instead of just pretending. Sometimes I still get depressed and self-loathy but who doesn't? Sometimes grown-up life becomes a bit too overwhelming for my liking but that is just when you have to look at the ground and take each step at a time instead of looking ahead at all the scary stuff.
I will share with you some of the things I have learned this year because even though we rarely listen to other's advice and usually find out things the hard way, sometimes it's good to know whats coming :)
1. Bills are more daunting than you could ever think possible.
Moving out I realized that your apartment doesn't just come set up and ready to go. It's up to you to call all the companies and set up all your bills and utilities yourself. You need electricity, gas, internet, TV, phone, etc. You also have to pay these every month (I don't think you guys are dumb and don't know that, but it is a good reminder hahah) Something relieving to know though, is that you can pay a bill late and no one freaks out or ruins your credit. Most companies give you 2 months of lateness before they shut you down and the late fee isn't so bad. Not a GOOD idea to pay too late BUT it is a relief to know if you are a bit late, no one is coming to break your knee caps. You also have to call and notify the companies that you are moving out at certain date and then re-setup your utilities at the new location. Fun times, am I right?!
2. Animals REALLY Aren't Accessories
When I hear people talk about moving out they always want a cat or a dog. A lot of them assume you just buy your furry friend and they love you and happily ever after. It really upsets me because it ends in a lot of pets being given up. Before you move out and buy your animal pal, REAAAALLY think about it. I got my dog a few years ago and learned that yes, they are a great companion for when you miss your family. BUT. But they need constant love and attention. They need to be walked, fed, taken to the vet for shots, etc. I know, most of you are thinking "YEAH YEAH, I already KNOW that ALYSA." but you aren't REALLY thinking about it. I spent 60 bucks on groceries this week and 20 of it was for dog food. When you live on your own at such a young age, that's A LOT. That's gas to see your family one weekend, that's a trip to the movies, that's an electricity bill. Also, my dog got sick and the vet visit was 100 dollars. Not to mention getting her fixed was around 500. I love my dog to death but she IS an expense you need to be ready for. She isn't just something cute to add to your new adult life.
Sidenote: A lot of apartments wont even accept pets and if they do, you have to pay an additional pet deposit that can range from 200-400
3. Laundry Sucks.
Ahhhhhh how I hate the complimentary laundry facilities in apartment complexes. Coin operated, need a key to get in, and all your thieving neighbors have access to it. Maybe I just have bad experiences like my sheets being stolen or nasty notes from neighbors because I'm washing my dog's bed. Being a grown-up you have a few options for this whole laundry business. You can use your apartment's laundry room (if there is one). You can go to the laundromat (They scare me). You can do laundry at your parents house when you visit (YAY MOM AND DAD!). Or, you can hope you are lucky enough to find an apartment with a washer and dryer hook up and enough money to buy the machines. Anyway you roll it, it's a pain. Also, never really thought about it before but now that you are on your own, that laundry gets dirty FAST. One second you have plenty of underwear then, BOOM! You're wearing the same pair of granny panties for a day too long. GROSS.
4. Don't Live With Your Significant Other Until You Are Both Ready
I learned the hard way on this one. Living with a significant other seems like a really good idea because you save on rent, you get to always sleep together, blah blah blah. Living with a lover out of necessity is baaaaad juju. YOU WILL FIGHT AND HATE EACH OTHER. Only live with someone you are dating once you love them and you really want to take that step. Until then, live with friends and don't act like some know-it-all dick that thinks you are special and it will different. You aren't special, it will be the same forever.
This is my first of many Grown-up lessons posts, so don't be sad, more is still to come!!!! :D
I will share with you some of the things I have learned this year because even though we rarely listen to other's advice and usually find out things the hard way, sometimes it's good to know whats coming :)
1. Bills are more daunting than you could ever think possible.
Moving out I realized that your apartment doesn't just come set up and ready to go. It's up to you to call all the companies and set up all your bills and utilities yourself. You need electricity, gas, internet, TV, phone, etc. You also have to pay these every month (I don't think you guys are dumb and don't know that, but it is a good reminder hahah) Something relieving to know though, is that you can pay a bill late and no one freaks out or ruins your credit. Most companies give you 2 months of lateness before they shut you down and the late fee isn't so bad. Not a GOOD idea to pay too late BUT it is a relief to know if you are a bit late, no one is coming to break your knee caps. You also have to call and notify the companies that you are moving out at certain date and then re-setup your utilities at the new location. Fun times, am I right?!
2. Animals REALLY Aren't Accessories
When I hear people talk about moving out they always want a cat or a dog. A lot of them assume you just buy your furry friend and they love you and happily ever after. It really upsets me because it ends in a lot of pets being given up. Before you move out and buy your animal pal, REAAAALLY think about it. I got my dog a few years ago and learned that yes, they are a great companion for when you miss your family. BUT. But they need constant love and attention. They need to be walked, fed, taken to the vet for shots, etc. I know, most of you are thinking "YEAH YEAH, I already KNOW that ALYSA." but you aren't REALLY thinking about it. I spent 60 bucks on groceries this week and 20 of it was for dog food. When you live on your own at such a young age, that's A LOT. That's gas to see your family one weekend, that's a trip to the movies, that's an electricity bill. Also, my dog got sick and the vet visit was 100 dollars. Not to mention getting her fixed was around 500. I love my dog to death but she IS an expense you need to be ready for. She isn't just something cute to add to your new adult life.
Sidenote: A lot of apartments wont even accept pets and if they do, you have to pay an additional pet deposit that can range from 200-400
3. Laundry Sucks.
Ahhhhhh how I hate the complimentary laundry facilities in apartment complexes. Coin operated, need a key to get in, and all your thieving neighbors have access to it. Maybe I just have bad experiences like my sheets being stolen or nasty notes from neighbors because I'm washing my dog's bed. Being a grown-up you have a few options for this whole laundry business. You can use your apartment's laundry room (if there is one). You can go to the laundromat (They scare me). You can do laundry at your parents house when you visit (YAY MOM AND DAD!). Or, you can hope you are lucky enough to find an apartment with a washer and dryer hook up and enough money to buy the machines. Anyway you roll it, it's a pain. Also, never really thought about it before but now that you are on your own, that laundry gets dirty FAST. One second you have plenty of underwear then, BOOM! You're wearing the same pair of granny panties for a day too long. GROSS.
4. Don't Live With Your Significant Other Until You Are Both Ready
I learned the hard way on this one. Living with a significant other seems like a really good idea because you save on rent, you get to always sleep together, blah blah blah. Living with a lover out of necessity is baaaaad juju. YOU WILL FIGHT AND HATE EACH OTHER. Only live with someone you are dating once you love them and you really want to take that step. Until then, live with friends and don't act like some know-it-all dick that thinks you are special and it will different. You aren't special, it will be the same forever.
This is my first of many Grown-up lessons posts, so don't be sad, more is still to come!!!! :D
Friday, December 7, 2012
Divorce
I haven't really talked to anybody about my divorce. I've done a really good job at keeping it all bricked up behind some clever jokes and being too drunk a few times. I haven't even really felt it myself. I just brushed it off and ignored it. It felt too surreal anyway, being a twenty year old signing divorce papers when I didn't even really accept that I got married in the first place. It was a silly little kid thing I did without really thinking about it. I didn't even make sure I truly loved the person I jumped into it with. I just wanted to be married. I just wanted kids. I know, I'm dumb and childish. No one needs to tell me. In fact, please don't talk to me about it at all. I have moved on and I don't want to people to lecture me or pity me.
The reason I am talking about this now is because today he came to get his furniture. We have already signed the papers, we have already divided DVD's and video games, we already got new relationships that we are both extremely happy with. It was just the emptiness of each room and the loss of things I depended on like a bed that made me break down. Not because I missed him. I failed at marriage. I had dreamt my whole life of finding the perfect person to be with forever and having a beautiful wedding. I had dreamt of this and instead of waiting and being logical, I FUCKING GOT MARRIED TO THE WRONG PERSON. I rushed into it like if I didn't, I'd wither and die alone. I was an idiot and now I'll always be the girl that got married at 20, the divorcee. The person I finally decide to marry will be my 2nd husband. I feel tainted. I feel disgusting and stupid.
I hate myself.
I am a dumb kid. I'm stressed all the time. My hair falls out. I still pick my nose when I'm alone. I suck on my thumb and I cry way more than anyone I know. I lose weight, I take pills, I drink vodka to control the few things I have control over. I am a mess. I am not equipped for adult hood but I have been thrown into it and now I live or I die, it's up to me.
I will be okay.
The reason I am talking about this now is because today he came to get his furniture. We have already signed the papers, we have already divided DVD's and video games, we already got new relationships that we are both extremely happy with. It was just the emptiness of each room and the loss of things I depended on like a bed that made me break down. Not because I missed him. I failed at marriage. I had dreamt my whole life of finding the perfect person to be with forever and having a beautiful wedding. I had dreamt of this and instead of waiting and being logical, I FUCKING GOT MARRIED TO THE WRONG PERSON. I rushed into it like if I didn't, I'd wither and die alone. I was an idiot and now I'll always be the girl that got married at 20, the divorcee. The person I finally decide to marry will be my 2nd husband. I feel tainted. I feel disgusting and stupid.
I hate myself.
I am a dumb kid. I'm stressed all the time. My hair falls out. I still pick my nose when I'm alone. I suck on my thumb and I cry way more than anyone I know. I lose weight, I take pills, I drink vodka to control the few things I have control over. I am a mess. I am not equipped for adult hood but I have been thrown into it and now I live or I die, it's up to me.
I will be okay.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Life Post #2
Once again I have failed you, my friends. I have been out of commission for a few months due to having MRSA (Evil flesh-eating cyst disease....) and just generally being really busy with life. I need to stop letting the few stressful things in my life stop me from being a productive human being though. I will continue to try and not let you all down again! Since I am sick with a cold (never-ending sicknesses in this apartment, I swear), here are just some fun pictures from my life.
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| My birthday dinner with my family |
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| 11th Doctor costume for Halloween |
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| Turning 21 at Harbor House. First beer was a Newcastle! |
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| Sending in our contract for our movie |
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| Green room at The Comedy Store |
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| Paid or Pain show at The Comedy Store |
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| This..... this is phenomenal |
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| A wrestling skirt I found while thrifting |
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| Hanging up Christmas lights |
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| Halloween Zombie Walk |
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| Connor with my toilet (Steve) |
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| Westside Comedy Theatre |
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Getting on Stage When Life Is Bad
As a comedian, I'm sure I'm not the only one who had to go onstage when I was having some distressing things happening in my life. I've seen plenty of friends have a bad day and get up anyway. But when does a bad day become so bad that you DON'T go up? In my opinion, never. Recently I have had some very emotionally difficult things happen in my life. I got divorced, fellow comedians that were at the shows I was at fucked with my heart, my ex-husband landed in the burn ward with 30% of his body covered in third degree burns putting me with him at the hospital almost everyday, he went through a bunch of surgeries, my Noni and Grandma Lou are in the hospital, I can't find a job, bills became overdue, my lease is running up, etc. etc. etc... and on every one of those nights, I went onstage and told jokes anyway. Even the day I asked my husband for a divorce, I immediately went to Long Beach and got onstage. Don't get me wrong, I haven't been perfect. Most of those nights I was crying and had to be convinced by my room mate or I was sitting in the audience, knowing I was up in five and seriously considering telling the host to take me off the list. We all know as comedians though, that you NEED to get onstage, every chance you get, no matter how you feel or if you think you are going to be funny. There is no break from this life. You can't just sit at home and cry for a week every time something bad happens and expect you will get any better at this. I have seen some really good comedians become a part of the back drop of the scene because of this. We all must continue to grow and look at comedy as therapy when we are going through emotional shit. Whenever I feel sad now, I feel MORE inclined to get onstage and release everything bad in me into something amazing. Someone breaks my heart, I write a new five minutes and go find an open mic. There have even been times where that five minutes sucked and it was just horribly angry but it helped me grow and learn what is acceptable and what isn't. It also taught me that when you feel this way and get onstage, you shouldn't just shit on the audience and expect anything either. You need to always try your best. We all get sad, we all have trauma as comedians. You can either let this eat you alive or focus your energy into something great. You are the only person that controls you so don't fuck it up.
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